Hoop-Head madness

The three week NCAA men's basketball tournament is almost over. It seems that everybody has a favorite in the tournament and my favorite is always the Texas Longhorns when they are good enough to even make it to the tournament.
I am not a Hoop-Head but a lot of people in America sure are. Sometimes I think all those Hoop-Heads have double dribbled one to many times. They think all 65 tournament teams have an equal shot at winning the championship game. Half of the 65 teams are division champions who come from school who spend a ton of money on their sports programs. The other half of the teams come from schools who spend as little as possible on their sports teams. Wake up and smell the leather, Hoop-Heads! Everybody knows that a rich daddy provides a head start. It does not take long to get a pretty good idea of who came to win, who came to play and who just showed up.
The joy in victory nor the desolation in defeat dose not make this tournament addictive for me. As far as I am concerned they could start the tournament with four teams that were picked from a national poll. It really doesn't matter because the champion is usually determined by a lucky bounce, a ref's bad call or an injury. By next year we will have forgotten who won the tournament anyway.

Mayonnaise! Don't put no stinking mayonnaise on my burger

If you want a good hamburger in Austin just ask any Austinite who lives south of the river and they will start talking about Mr. and Mrs Hamburger. They are referring to Dan and Fran who were once married to each other and had a number of hamburger stands around Austin. Like most marriages theirs did not last so they split up the sheets, pots & pans and their hamburger stands. So now when you want a good burger in Austin you either go to Dan's or Fran's. The burgers are the same at both places although I think Fran puts more pickles on her burgers.
What makes a great burger? Everybody has their own opinion. A burger is more than the sum of it's parts. You take a bite of all of it at once, the meat, the bun, the condiments and any other of its additions such as lettuce and tomato. You should be able to add all the sensations up in just one bite. The beef should be ground chuck because chuck has just the right amount of fat. The patty should be thick enough so it can be charred yet remain moist. The bun is a crucial component, I like mine slightly toasted. Burgers are finger foods so the bun among it's other virtues keeps the hands dry and lets you pick up the meat without wishing you had a wet towel. I don't pretend to have sampled every burger joint but I know that if a burger is too big to fit into your mouth, hold in your hand or you need a knife and fork to eat it, well that's the last time I'll be eating at that burger joint.Those cookie cutter burger joints that sell burgers who's buns are as thin as Kleenex and patties that are thin and dry should all be concentrated in New York City because Yankees don't know a hamburger from a hockey puck. Besides a Yankee would not be caught dead in Fran's South Congress location, they would think the place needs to be condemned. That's just fine with Fran, she does not have to buy mayonnaise.

I was here first! You will have to wait your turn Superman

Flat as a pancake! Well almost

One of Austin's economic blunders and eye sores has been erased from the down town sky line. The five story concrete skeleton that was once the start of a ten story Intel building is no more. This historic relic has been preserved too long, it's about time they blew it to kingdom come!
But what to replace it with became a big debate. Austin's mayor wanted a 17 story condo building and the government wanted a new federal court house. It boiled down to a heated swimming pool vs metal detectors.
I don't know what would be best for down town, a java drinking loft dweller carrying his laptop around in a black bag or a criminal defence lawyer walking around in a black suit. Not much of a choice, scum bag vs scum bag. The government won out just as it always does and a new federal court house will be built in the spot where the Intel structure once stood. Austin will never run short of VIP outlaws or drug dealers so the court house will be there a long time. If they had built condos instead, what would have happened when Austin ran out of yuppies? There would be no one to live in the building and it would have to be blown to kingdom come once again. At least now I won't have to push a loft dweller out of my way when I am trying to order a short drip at the Congress Ave Starbucks. With a federal court house in the spot I'll never have to worry about criminals getting in my way because as soon as they finish their business at the court house they will be sent straight up the river to the pen. I know for sure I am getting the best end of this deal because all those scum bag lawyers never go to Starbucks, they always send their good looking secretaries for coffee. I'll let a gorgeous blond cut in line anytime she wants. Hell! I'll even carry her coffee back to the court house.

I'll trade you Chocolate for Sex

Most of the women who know me well, know that I have developed a sweet tooth since I stopped using alcohol several years ago. They all want to give me their left over Valentine candy. Most of them are more afraid of the three letter F word than they are of the four letter F word. They all think they will get FAT if they eat the whole box of candy their husband gave them during the annual ritualistic exchange of chocolate for sex.
I am no different than any other red blooded male. My brain is one big mush melon when it comes to sex or just trying to figure out what might increase my chances of even having sex. I think it's always been that way but never once did I think a box of chocolates could or would ease the fear a woman has of the four letter F word. Beside who wants a relationship based on chocolate, the days of Ozziet and Harriet are gone forever. Men always take the shortest and easiest way, expecting to score every time and we get mad when we don't. We figure that if we are slick enough to ease a woman's fear of the four letter F word, well that's fantastic. But if we can't so what, we didn't spend much on the box of chocolates any way!