Where Have All The Big Ones Gone

Pumpkins are native to America and can be grown just about anywhere. Most of the pumpkins you see in your local market come from farms in the surrounding area. There seems to be an urban Pumpkin Patch at every church and non profit organization but there is trouble brewing in the pumpkin patch. The weather this year in North America was very unusual. Some areas saw very little rain, some saw way too much rain and the temperature in a lot of the country was not normal. These conditions caused this years crop of pumpkins to be lacking their bright orange color and the extra large pumpkins were no where in sight.
I am not a pumpkin lover and I am not afraid to admit it. I can never get excited about the orange gourds until I watch "It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown"
Even then I don't rush out looking for that perfect pumpkin to carve into a Jack-O-Lantern just so I can set it on my front porch. Since when did carving a Halloween pumpkin become a competitive sport? Competitive carvers are first in line for the biggest pumpkin on the lot but this year they will be disappointed because there are no large pumpkins. The real Halloween lovers are the kids and they do not care what size their pumpkins are, they just want to carve a couple of eyes and a few teeth.
This years pumpkin carving contest at the Carver Museum in Austin Texas drew only a few kids. The carvers seemed to be as far and between as the large pumpkins.
If you are buying a pumpkin this year, what kind of pumpkin will you buy? A quality pumpkin of course and the pumpkin seller knows that! So if you want a dark orange one and a very large one, you better stop at the bank to take out a pumpkin loan before you head for the Pumpkin Patch. It may not be long before the government steps in to regulate pumpkins just like they regulate everything else. Only pumpkins a certain size an certain shape and just the right shade of orange will qualify as a Grade A pumpkin. They will probably even limit the number of pumpkins that can be planted and sold each year. All this will only make the price for the large pumpkins go even higher causing a revolt among competitive carvers and maybe even a great pumpkin war.

I am coming back as an Ant

A few weeks ago my dinner table was overtaken by ants. One would expect to see a few ants in the kitchen from time to time but these ants stayed hidden until I set the food on the table. It was not a huge amount of ants, just enough of them to be noticeable and annoying. The ants seem to materialize out of no were but I knew better. I knew there was a colony somewhere and more than likely it was in my yard. My first defence against the invaders was to spray them then try and guess where they had entered my house and spray there also. I thought my ant saga was over but it was only the first battle with these hide and seek creatures. A few days later they attacked again, this time going straight for the bag of Tortilla chips I had been saving to make nachos. Now I knew what I was dealing with, they were Dope Heads. They had the munches and were not going to stop messing with me until they got their fix. It was no time to be humane to the ants. They had not learned their lesson when I sprayed them so now it was time for them to meet their Dooms Day. I searched my yard, finding their colony only twenty feet from my front door. I made sure they would not survive my second assault by covering their nesting area with Fire Ant poison. Surly these nacho stealing piss ants would not survive the poison made to kill the fearsome Fire Ant.
The ants have not returned but unfortunately that means nothing. They are probably just waiting for me to buy another bag of Tortilla chips then they will regroup and plan another attack.

All The News That's Fit To Print

Americans are so obsessed with celebrities. News networks spend far too much time covering the lives of Hollywood stars instead of reporting hard news. I am sick and tired of hearing about Britney spears losing custody of her kids to her ex husband--backup dancer. There should be more headlines on the genocide in Darfur not the gene tree of Britney Spears.
As much as I would like to, I can not blame all this on celebrities in general. Stories about the famous always have and always will hold some magical allure for people but to put the life of a Hollywood bimbo ahead of Hurricanes or the War in Iraq is a bit of a journalistic cluster F__K. Celebrity stories should be written on toilet paper not on newspaper. My curiosity is just as large as the next person and I guess the News Networks know that so the feed me and everyone else stories about Britney Spears. That's alright as long as they put "All The News That's Fit To Print" at the top of the page.

To Stay or to Go

We are at a point in the American experience of the Iraq war where we have to decide whether to stay or to go. The mood of many Americans is at odds with the ones who make the decisions. This decision could be do or die. It could be a roll of the dice but that would be gambling not decision making. So far all the administration has done is to double down it's hand.
The mood of normal Americans has sure changed since the dictators statue was toppled. Americans are not impatient but they are practical. They are proud of their country. Their since of justice and duty drove the USA's policies during the early years of the war but they are getting tired of sacrifices if it's only going to make Iraq worse. Iraq will continue as a long and ongoing story. It's unlikely that we will find the perfect moment to leave. We may have to treat Iraq as though it was Humpty Dumpty. Sooner or later Humpty is going to fall and when he dose, all the king's horses and all the king's men won't be able to put Humpty together ever again.