The Bondage of Addiction

This week I celebrated 5 years of sobriety. I have been liberated from the mysterious power of the ravages of addiction. My soul has come full circle, back to the gentle and humble person I was before alcohol took over my life. Learning to live life one day at a time and the power of prayer has reunited me with the person I was at birth. My life in addiction was full of fear, arrogance, resentment, manipulation and competition. When disappointment arrives now I see a blessing waiting to be discovered, not the resentment or the manipulative mental state I always reverted to. I think about my feelings no matter how how good or painful they may be. One's emotional state hinges on the ability to know yourself. When I am feeling anger, sadness, joy, or fear, celebrating the good and not repressing the bad lets me stay in the bright light of emotional bliss.
Discipline had always lifted me above the crowd, but as one, addiction was a height I could not scale above. Oh I tried many times, using the strength of my discipline and each time I fell before I was able to step above addiction. I looked at it as a competition, something that could be defeated and then on to the next conquest. Discipline is a wonderful charteristic only if one is aware of it's limitations, I was not. I had to surrender, an act I always thought was a sign of weakness. Admitting I could not overcome alcoholism by myself was my first act , asking for help was the next. I never want to live in the mental and physcial state of addiction ever again. I have been granted a one day reprieve from alcoholism , not a week, month nor year. I will always be an alcoholic but now when my decease rears it ugly head, I have the tools to defend myself from it's everlasting progression, tools I received from other sober alcoholics and the program of alcoholics anonymous.