Checkout Clerk Wanted

Pumping my own gas is one thing but scanning my own items at the grocery store is another. A few years ago when self checkout machines first arrived in stores I would not go near one of the machines. I was so afraid that people would line up behind me waiting on me to finish my attempt at Man vs Machine that I was too jumpy to even try the machine. One Sunday I was in WalMart before 7 AM buying a paper. There were very few people in the store so I thought it was the perfect time to enter the contest of Man vs Machine. I only had one item to scan so surely I could win this contest and even if the machine beat me I would not have people standing over my shoulder laughing at me. Right from the start the machine took control, telling me there were unexpected items in the bagging area. What was it talking about? I expected to buy a newspaper when I entered the store, hell I even expected to buy the paper while I was still ten miles away from the store. I figured out I had set the paper in the bagging area before scanning it so I scanned the paper while holding it in my hand. Before I could put any money into the machine to pay for the paper the machine told me no items had been scanned. At that point my stress level sored and I began calling the machine some unpleasant names. A store clerk heard me and came to the defence of the machine telling me to take my paper to the customer service desk and pay for it there. The machine had won. After that battle every time I walked passed a self scanning machine I gave it a go to hell look.
Two years passed and a few weeks ago I was in a Home Depot buying a single item, it was my chance at round two Man vs Machine. Everything worked perfectly, the machine scanned the item and let me pay for it. I was out the door in no time flat. The aganee of defeat had been erased from my mind, I had beaten the machine. I wanted everyone to know of my victory so I grabbed my camera to take a picture of my defeated oponnite. As I began taking pictures of the machine I heard a voice say "Sir you can't do that". A store clerk had seen me taking pictures and once again rose to the defence of the machine. Somehow the machine new I had called it cousin some unflattering names a few years back and was now going to embarrass me in front of everybody in the store. The aganee of defeat came rushing back in. I should have been happy with the score tied 1 to 1 but no, I had to get my camera and play round 3. Now the score was Machine 2 Man 1. The machine had not only won, it had rubbed my face in the dirt. Oh well, a little dirt never hurt anyone. I'll live to play the machine again some day but I will never call it names again, it has too good of a memory.